Brothers Grunt

by Abe Dashiell

The Brother's Grunt is the creation of Danny Antonucci and Mtv.

History: The Brothers Grunt is thought to be one of the oldest of the ghoul families. So ancient are they that the two clans most known for the creation of revenant lines, the Tzimisce and the Malkavians, have no idea how or even when the Grunts began. In fact, they are classified as revenants only because they share many traits in common, most notably their mastery of certain Disciplines. The Tremere have postulated that they were once leeches who fed off Nosferatu, and by some means, gained a semblance of humanity. The Garou believe them to be Fomori spawned by the Wyld, while a few mages suspect they are Paradox in physical form.

The Grunts themselves have had many theories of their origin, though the one presently in vogue is a corruption of modern-day theories of evolution. It is their belief that the first of their kind was a swamp-dwelling beast known as _Gruntus Notquiteus_. As you probably have guessed, their grasp of Latin leaves much to be desired, but then again, their grasp of *any* language is poor at best. Supposedly, the _Gruntus Notquiteus_ emerged from the primordial ooze and thus initiated the Grunt's conquest of the land. The Grunts are much more vague about what follows. They speak of eons of persecution heaped, perhaps understandlably, upon them by mankind. For the greater part of their history, they survived alone and on the peripheries of society.

At this point, it may be beneficial to understand the method of reproduction employed by the Grunts and how it contributed to their wide pattern of dispersal. Undoubtedly, this is their most alien aspect. While most Grunts are vaguely masculine in appearance, in truth they possess no sexuality -- at least not physically. In some respects, a Grunt is very much like a worker ant; it is sterile, and never directly participates in reproduction. Instead, certain Grunts eventually transform into "Gruntus Primus Maximi," the Grunt equivalent to a Queen bee. A "Maximus" is a massive Grunt, perhaps fifty feet tall and resembling a cross between the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and Jabba the Hutt. Too huge to support their own weight, they instead levitate, gently floating from place to place. Those who have seen a Maximus are awed and disgusted all at once. A Son of Ether described one as a "huge mound of breasts, veins and pale flesh, buoyed up by its own flatulence." The Maximus's sole purpose in life it to reproduce and in this it truly an expert. As it floats over the countryside, it will expel infant Grunts from its many incubation patches, which incidentally, closely resemble the vestigial breasts of a grossly overweight man. Sometimes it may release several Grunts at once, but in any case, it provides no parental care, continuing on its way and letting its offspring fend for themselves. Fortunately, the Grunt is a tough creature, for it often must survive falls of twenty feet or more, cushioned only by remnants of its amniotic sac.

However, near the end of the Mythic Age, a Grunt called the "5th of Kevin" managed to improve the lives of Grunts appreciably. When birthed, instead of dropping to the ground, he managed to latch hold of his Maximus. There, he grew to maturity and from the back of the Maximus, he attempted to rally the other Grunts to his cause. Unfortunately, years of persecution had made the species cautious and distrustful of others, even those of their own kind. Not deterred, the 5th of Kevin built a great monastery and within a cavern beneath, housed the exalted Gruntus Primus Maximus. He then climbed to the top of the Monastery's tower and called to his brothers. He had developed new powers that allowed him to contact all his brethren. And they came. From all over the world, Grunts arrived at the Monastery and thus formed the Brotherhood that has survived to this day.

In fact, in the modern age, The Monastery is the only place where a Grunt may find solace. With the rise of the Technocracy and the expulsion of many supernatural beings, the Grunts' only means of reproduction, the Maximi, were driven out of the physical realm. Indeed, the only one remaining is jealously protected by the Grunts of the Monastery. However, this is not to say that the Grunts are a dying breed. Because they are much more capable of taking care of their young, Grunt mortality has plummeted. Some have even re-entered the world of the humanity, relying on the increasingly impersonal nature of mankind to conceal their odd appearance.

Society: Life at the Monastery is the Grunt vision of Paradise. They have no worries and few responsibilities. Fortunately, very few Non-Grunts have ever visited the Monastery and not even the Tremere or the Order of Hermes has even the slightest idea where it is located. In fact, few have even heard of the Brothers Grunt. This has protected them from intrusion by other supernatural creatures.

Thus, the Grunts are, for the most part, very naive. They spend most of their days having cold martinis and melted cheese, pulling on each others nipples and playfully slapping each other's faces. Their life is centered around the teachings and rituals past down since the time of the 5th of Kevin, and when they are not socializing, they attend great congregations, listening to the wisdom of their elders. Their high leader, known as the Chosen One, is, well, chosen, during one of these rituals. The newest Chosen One, Perry, however, refused his throne and fled the Monastery. This has thrown the Brothers Grunt into chaos, and his five brothers, Tony, Bing, Dean, Frank and Sammy have been sent out to find him. Unfortunately, in their naivete and inexperience, they have not met with much success. They *have* attracted some unwanted attention to themselves. Perry, on the other hand, seems to be adjusting exceptionally well -- perhaps this is why he is the Chosen One.

Appearance: Grunts are a rather homely breed. Their skin is pasty white, their hair is grey, their tongues a warty green and they have bulging, jaundiced eyeballs. Their most distinguishing feature, however, is the bulging, varicose veins and arteries that especially grace their necks, backs and foreheads. It is worth noting that the vein pattern on no two Grunts will be exactly alike.

For the most part, Grunts disdain clothing, though they will often wear monastic robes during their congregations. Most of the time, they will dress only in socks, wingtips and gaudy boxer shorts. Each Grunt has his own "colors" and this is another method to distinguish one from another.

Finally, while all Grunts can understand one another, few are able to speak a tongue understandable to other sentient beings (though they may understand them). They are known as "Grunts" primarily because their speech consists of a bunch of grunts. Each individual Grunt has his own "dialect," however.

Disciplines: Fortitude, Vicissitude, Gruntitude.

Weaknesses: Grunts begin with no dots in Apperance and may never have more than a one in this attribute. Furthermore, they cannot speak human languages, though they understand each other and can understand other languages. The eldest Grunts, especially those who have mastered Vicissitude, are capable of speech, but these individuals are rare.



Story ideas: Encounters with the Brothers Grunt may occur as a means of lightening an excessively oppressive chronicle. Perhaps the characters could even get involved with the five brothers' hunt for the Chosen One.